I remember three years ago, I would die if I didn't check my livejournal everyday. That's not true now, but a lot of things aren't true that were three years ago. In May, it'll be three years since I graduated high school; three years since I had plan for everyday of life; three years since I really thought I had the potential to do something with my life. I guess I still do have potential, but I'm 20 and 1/2 years old now, and getting older everyday. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I always feel quite ineffectual. But that's ok.
I'm happy. I'm crazy and neurotic, but I'm happy.
Life in the apartment is different than it used to be. I think it's good for it to be quiet though.
I have a boyfriend and I like him. That's surprising.
Okay, so there are three songs that I just cannot get out of my head this summer:
"International Player's Anthem" -Outkast still manages to amaze me. The sampling is key. Who knew an obscure r&b song from the 70s could be so poignant underneath dirty south beats and rapping about settling down.
"Potential Break-up Song" Okay, two Disney tween queens aren't neccessarily what you would expect on any playlist of mine, but Aly & AJ deliver a totally adorable and precocious song. The girls are both sassy and self-assertive without being overtly sexual (okay, a little sexual).
"Let It Go" Unlike most pop/r&b singers these days, Keyshia Cole can actually sing. In all honesty Lil' Kim adds nothing to the track and Missy Elliot's only real contribution is the hook. But it reminds me of something that would have been around in the early to mid 90s and it's ridiculously addictive to listen to.
Download these songs now! Or just go to itunes. They're all sort of fabulous.
So I think I may have a place to live for fall. We're going to put down the deposit on Wednesday. I would be living with two of the coolest ladies I know and two of my best friends. I hope everything works out well. I really feel like I'm at the point in my life that I can handle more responsibility. And after this past year, it'd really be great to have a sense of stability at Montevallo. I love that place, but it's fucking nuts there sometimes. I can't wait for this semester to start. No matter what, I really feel that God is setting me on the right path for me right now.
When I get sad. I watch that and I can't help but smile. It's completely insane. But so perfect.
I'm sad because two amazing magazines have folded. Jane and Punk Planet are no more. I think they'll each have a final issue. But then they're gone. Which scares the crap out of me. By the time I actually graduate, intern, and get a job, will there even be a place for me? Will I have a job, when I'm ready? I guess I shouldn't think about things like that at this moment. Right now, I should just be concerned with graduating. Which if I plan correctly, won't be that far off.
Okay, I'm doing well. Life is going smoothly. I'm taking microeconomics at Calhoun (my teacher looks like Benjamin Franklin) I'm ready to go back to Montevallo. I go to the library at least once or twice a week.
I think it's time for me to embark on a new way life.
There is something huge coming up in my future: The Nancy Drew movie. I'm so dead serious. I love Nancy Drew, and I actually think the movie might be good. Emma Roberts is totally adorable anyway. And I don't think they're going to try to take away from the feel of the books. If you haven't read the books it's hard to describe their appeal. They're so out of date, but instead of them seeming dated and prejudiced, they seem warm and wholesome. There are just paragraphs and pages detailing what the girls are wearing, what they're eating, and where they're going. I'm sure that sounds tedious, but it's so endearing. And in the movie Emma maintains Nancy's "old fashioned" style, which is a hallmark of the series. Nancy Drew is not Nancy Drew if we aren't described her red and white polka-dotted a-line dress or if we don't know that she ordered a meal of crispy fried chicken and creamy mashed potatos at a roadside diner. And I maintain that Nancy Drew is a feminist icon. Here she is, a young girl in the 1950s going around solving crimes, being herself. She has a boyfriend, but he's not that huge of a character; if anything her girlfriends are more helpful than he is. And her dad doesn't patronize her; he supports her career as an "amateur sleuth." I'm aware that I'm a dork, and I'm damn proud of it. I just hope that my niece will like Nancy as much as I do, because that's who I'm taking to the movie with me.
In other news, things are good: Volunteering Writing for the Madison Record Lost 6 pounds I'm a happy and healthy, bouncing baby girl.
Everyone will be getting phone calls this summer, I promise.
Do you remember that? Because I do. I always thought that was on Mister Rogers, but apparently it was on Sesame Street. Anyway, watching that clip on youtube made me strangely emotional. Before I knew it I had this huge smile on my face and tears welling up in my eyes. I could remember weekdays spent watching PBS which no doubt started a lasting obsessing with public broadcasting. As a child if you had asked me what I'd remember most/best about my early years, I don't know what I would have said: graduating kindergarten, winning a poetry contest, making my first friend. I doubt I would have said that a Sesame Street segment about how orange crayons are made would leave a lasting impression in my mind. But it did, there's something so serene and sincere about that crayon factory that always stuck with me, that moved me. God I was a weird kid.
I've been through some stuff lately. I was sick. My dad's in Iraq. My sister had a heart attack.
I feel really out of control. Like my life is just on autopilot, but it's crashing.
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